i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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