Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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