Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
