I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
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