aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
