I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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