WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize