At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
