I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
