bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
