fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize