I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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