He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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