Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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