We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
