Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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