"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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