By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
