Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
