Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I had to cum in my sink.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
