God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize