her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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