I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Randomize