Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
operation have a gay friend backfired
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
