Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
