The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
