Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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