You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
there is glitter all over my balls
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