this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
So much rum. So many feels.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
