I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
