She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
