We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
i now understand why vodka
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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