Swine flu. Run for my life!
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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