his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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