So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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