dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Don't tell me you're on acid again
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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