I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
