someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
