ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
