ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
