Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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