I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
