can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
