Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
