i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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