woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
