his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
