i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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