My underwear smells like fireworks.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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