I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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