I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I am midnight drunk by noon
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
