i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
