He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
