i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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