Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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