im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
