Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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