Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
