worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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