I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'd cum for enchiladas.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
