Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
