Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
