That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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