so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
