So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
