Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
