I love watching others lives come down to our level.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
